My little blog

2008-04-22T14:07:00.002-04:00

Princess is an internet star!
Vote for her here! Give her five cheese burgers!

2008-04-11T15:31:00.006-04:00

Today I heard a noise coming from within my laundry basket.

Little did I know I would find a Princess cat tucked away as cute as can be!

She immediately stood up and told me to go away and leave her alone!

Apparently the cats are playing hide and seek and I just ruined her spectacular hideaway.
Now she refuses to look at me.
Girl cats are so moody!

2008-04-09T15:53:00.007-04:00

Today, I found a rare and strange bird in my garden.

Then my cat Ralph decided he was more rare and more strange and demanded I take his picture.

I told him that although much more handsome...I wasn't convinced he was stranger. Ralph then challenged the bird to a stare off in an effort to prove his innate rare strangeness.

I didn't have the heart to tell him the bird was plastic.
He's still out there holding his pose.

2008-02-12T11:00:00.001-05:00

2007-12-10T17:10:00.000-05:00

YAY JIB JAB! Here's one of me some co-workers and the golden girls.

Non-Crappy Starring You! eCards on JibJab

2007-11-14T14:04:00.000-05:00

This little girl is everywhere and I really don't know how I feel about it.
I love her for being brave enough to do her dance on camera, and I love her even more for posting it on youtube. To be honest, I also laughed a bit watching, and I feel terrible about it.
I think if youtube were around when I was 10 years old I would have posted numerous videos of me doing dances to Roxette, Barbara Streisand, NKOTB, and Cats.
Maybe I should do a dance now, like this little girl and post it. I mean come on...it couldn't be worse than Britney on the VMA's.

2007-11-12T16:43:00.000-05:00

In high school I dreamt of being in an Oliver Stone movie.
I just found out that one of my high school friends is STARRING in Oliver Stone's next picture.
It's weird to know someone who just attained one of your dream goals...and they are anyone but Juliette Lewis and Meg Ryan.
On one hand you are so so so happy for them and you just want to scream with delight, and on the other hand you feel like "huh, it's a dream that's actually possible?" and then you just want to scream with jealousy!!
I wonder what other dreams I had that were closer than I thought.
Perhaps I actually could have been the Marine Biologist that proved Dolphins to be our long lost relatives...or that Fraggle Rock is real.

2007-11-09T14:14:00.001-05:00

This is my Friday gift to you.
Thank you for reading my little blog.

2007-11-08T16:57:00.000-05:00

"Make new friends
and keep the old
one is silver and the other is gold."

I sang that song when I was in girl scouts. I had no idea they were talking about jewelery.

2007-11-07T11:51:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday Caton was bitten by my cat Ralphie. We thought he would be fine and cleaned up the bite, put a band aid on it and went to bed. The next day his arm was all swollen and he had red tracks running down his arm! Being the NY'ers we are we went to work planning to go to the ER later that evening.
When we got there they told us he would have to stay for a couple days! Apparently cat bites are very infectious and it was spreading into his blood stream! He's doing better and will hopefully get to come home tonight.
Lesson: If you are bitten by a cat go to the DR as soon as you can.
The following video is dedicated to Caton, who will without a doubt relate after this past week.

2007-11-02T10:58:00.000-04:00

Looks like the WGA is going to strike...or has...or is doing so now.
This is terrible for the people who write for TV, and I hope that things get settled quickly so that they can go back to being brilliant and writing the laughs that so many of us have while watching their shows.
BUT...
I did come to think of one good thing that this strike will give the people of America.
We will all get to see if the "reality" show "The Hills" is scripted.
The people at MTV love to say that it's a reality show...but how many reality shows are that good? I mean I love New York and all, but The Hills is too pretty, too perfect...too blended into the shows soundtrack and I wanna know that I am right in my belief that they have someone telling them what to say, and when to say it.
I mean no one with teeth like Spencer has any right to say the things that he says...well, not without a writer.

2007-10-22T13:50:00.000-04:00

We just got fancy new Coffee machines here at work and of course I am excited about them! (perhaps I am a little too excited!!!)
But even more fascinating was the discovery of the coffee mug cabinet!
Here at work they have cabinets filled with awesome mugs from the past. Last week I was happy to find the "I'm 60 and loving it"! You'd better believe I toted that bad boy all over the office!
Today though...today I found the greatest mug I have ever seen:

2007-10-18T14:07:00.000-04:00

I have an "awesome corner" on my desk at work which is the corner of my desk where awesome things live (obviously).
Since I've started working here I have accumulated:
My water bottle,
My stuffed gizmo doll,
and My brand new lawn flamingos Harriett, Harry, and Macneil.

2007-10-16T14:02:00.000-04:00

Today I received an email from a what I would assume would be a teenager in the middle of a fight with one of her friends. It was sent to me by accident.
At first I didn't know what to do, so I eventually read the email (forgive me for being so nosey) and then I found myself thanking god that I wasn't a teenager anymore. Man those kids have so much drama to deal with.
I won't post the email here as it wasn't publicly meant to be seen, but I will post my favorite quote:
"I think bc of this fight if we both died tomorrow we would not go to heaven bc we both have not forgiven each other yet"
Is this true?
First off I'd like to know if you will not go to heaven if people do not forgive you for things?
If so...I'd better get offline and start apologizing to anyone who has ever done karaoke with me.
Second off: This little girl is really good with guilt.

2007-09-11T12:27:00.000-04:00

I am not sure if I've written about this before.
But here it goes:
As a child I threw a lot of temper tantrums. My mother would address them by simply saying "when we leave this room you are leaving that attitude with it".
Then I would walk through a doorway and leave my upset behind and walk on int0 a new day, unhinged by what was bothering me before.
I kinda wish I could do that now, I had a cruddy morning and keep trying to walk through doorways hoping to change it all.
I think this may be one of the magical things you lose when you grow up. Things bother you, and you can't just walk through a doorway to get over it.
You either have to shut the door, or open a new one.

Mika - Love Today

2007-08-30T11:22:00.001-04:00

An open letter to Mika:
Dear Mika,
Thank you for making an awesome song that makes me dance like a crazy monkey. Your music makes me want to walk down the street with my arms out wide while screaming "Everyone is going to love today".
Not since "Hey Ya" by outkast have I been so inspired.
What a wonderful song! Thanks!
-Amanda

p.s.
I react to your video like a child reacts to a baby Einstein video, magically under a spell and totally hooked.

2007-08-28T16:09:00.000-04:00

Sorry readers...I've been insanely busy with everything and haven't been a good blogger.

I'll try harder this time around.

So these are the things that I've learned in the past month:

1) When you submit to a writing contest...you should have more than just the submission in your hand. So get to writing if you wanna be a writer...such a simple concept, and totally zoomed by me.

2) If you press the "R" button on your DVR remote twice you can record the entire season of "The Hills". This was an exciting discovery for me...and not so exciting for Caton.

3) My cat Ralphie hates cat crates almost as much as I hate clowns.

4) No one in NYC wants to go to the Jimmy Buffet concert with me...although I still haven't learned why.

2007-07-02T15:23:00.000-04:00

Transitions are weird.
I've lived in my apartment in queens for almost 9 years now and it really has become my home. I basically grew up there and went through a billion roommates, 9/11, blackouts, holidays, blizzards and sweltering summers.
My mom was in town this week and kept walking around my neighborhood saying things like "Well, this is the last time I'll go to your queens apartment.","This is the last time I'll buy an ice coffee from the Brazilian people", and "This is the last time I'll say hi to the lady on the stoop".
Finally I had to tell her to stop cause it was making me think about my neighborhood, and how crazy it is that I know my neighbors in NYC. Most people live in their apartments and never come out. I walk down the street and see teenagers that used to be babies, old ladies that now sit alone after years of having their husbands by their sides, the weather man who always stands on the corner and tells me what the next day will bring...and I think about how it's going to be hard not to walk that block home at night.

But then I think, I'm moving to my new home, and I'm sure that this new home will have something different that will be hard to leave. Like a yard, and a tree, oh yeah...and it's got Caton.

And unlike my mother, I can always go back and get an ice coffee from the Brazilian lady on the corner.

2007-05-29T13:23:00.000-04:00

While ironing my clothes for work this morning this is what my brain thought of:
"Hmm, you have a great audition today. If you get it, you will basically be getting your dream job. What are the chances I wonder of getting it? Hmm, Kelly Rippa probably thought this when she auditioned to be Kathy Lee's replacement on "Regis and Kathy". Maybe not though, cause she already was on a soap opera at the time and was already working on what could have then been her dream job. Maybe she thought that way when she auditioned for the soap opera. Man, some people really have the luck. Maybe today I'll have the luck...and then one day I'll be on Regis and Kelly. And they will ask ME what I think about all of the young Hollywood partying...to which I would reply "I know just what I would do if I were their moms! I'd give them a job as an executive assistant at a consulting firm and let them try and make it without any help! haa haa". No, I don't think I would say that...I sound bitter. I shouldn't be bitter, I mean I have a great opportunity and as of right now, it's as much mine as it is anyone else's. What a nice feeling. Hey good job ironing! Why do I know so much about Kelly Rippa?"

2007-05-22T12:52:00.000-04:00

"Su*k my d*ck white bi**h". (I've starred out the curse part of those words so that my classy readers aren't caused the upset that I was on Saturday night.)
Caton and I were off to find our friends in the hip and slightly dirty Lower East Side and on our way up from the 2nd Ave subway station I was grabbed by a sea of 11 year olds (11 because we couldn't figure out if they were 9 or 13...11 was the logical choice).
The leader of the sea was the kid who decided to grab my arm and talk dirty to me. Caton says that the kid thought I was alone because he was really freaked out when Caton pulled his arm off mine and told him to back up.
This was the straw that broke the pre-teenager's back. Facing humiliation from all of his peers the kid immediately did what he thought was the next best thing. He threatened to beat up Caton and myself. We kept walking along while we were spit at, called racist names, and antagonized.
Finally my rage caught up to me and before I knew it I stopped and turned and screamed...
"WHAT ARE YOU 9? GO HOME? DO YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL. YOU WILL GO TO JAIL. GO HOME. 9 YEAR OLD BOY."
Tough cookie aren't I? Caton of course scooped me up and grabbed me away cause what could we do? Sure we could take them...but they were children, you can't really hit a child.
Still, days later I'm infuriated...and I think more than I initially was. Why is it okay for them to call me a white bi*ch, spit on my boyfriend and harass us up and down the street?
It's not. And why is it so funny to the onlookers (the other teens)? If my friends witnessed me antagonizing someone and being a bigot they would be shamed and disgusted...not proud and cheering me on. Then again my friends are grown ups and know the difference.
While we were walking away from it all some stranger on the street said to Caton and I "It's a shame, they won't go any further than that in their life".
Is that supposed to make it better? Like we as a society accept poor behavior because those kids are screwed?
I don't accept that. I think it's a dangerous spiral to create.
Maybe that's one of those things you just learn to deal with living in the city.
Maybe I don't want to.

2007-05-21T15:34:00.000-04:00

I've been getting back into running. I used to be a competitive long distance runner in jr. high and high school.

Running saved me from boredom, family fights, and homework. I ran miles and miles and miles every day...basically I was a running junky.

Then I got a boyfriend and did what any other self respecting Junior in High School would do. I stopped running and started going to parties.

The rest as you all know is history, as was my running career.

But now, ten years later (maybe more) I've found my old secret love.

I signed up and ran my first race in ten years. And I have to tell you I was shocked at how easily it all just came back to me. I immediately knew how to find my pace, calm myself down and zone out...and as soon as I saw that finish line I knew just how to kick it up a notch. It felt great.

I am officially back in love with running! Watch out Central Park, I'm gonna run the bajeezuz out of you...that is if you don't knock the bajeezuz out of me first.

2007-05-07T17:34:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a good one.

I ran a 5k in 34 min...not bad since I haven't run one in awhile (over 10 years).

I went to a wedding in a haunted mansion (it wasn't haunted..but I was having so much more fun imagining that it was).

I celebrated my friend's birthday at the hyper-famous haunted Coney Island (I didn't think it was haunted..I knew it was).

I saw Mandy Moore, Chaka Kahn, and Mayor Bloomberg all in the same tent to honor the walkers/runners for the Revlon Run Walk.
I think Mandy Moore may be a robot. She kept turning on and becoming super animated when a camera was around...but shut completely off when they were not focused on her.
She's also super tall...I think if a cylon existed...Mandy Moore is one.

2007-05-02T11:00:00.000-04:00

A lot has happened since the last time I posted.
I started rehearsals for the new musical I wrote.
I got a new job at HBO. :)
I decided I may want to stay in my apartment in Queens instead of dealing with insane realtors.

And I bought tickets to the 20th Anniversary of Dirty Dancing...
This is the thing that made me wake up today smiling and ready to go.

It was 20 years ago that I sat in the theater for my friend Amy Klash's birthday unaware of the love obsession that was about to be born.

I think I may regress to an 8 year old who has no idea what the Penny story line is about and thinks that baby is actually very pretty.
I may think that Max isn't that bad but Johnny is a god.
I may still overlook the fact that Mrs. Shoemaker had fake spiders in her purse...Why did she have fake spiders in her purse?
And I know I will want to recreate the end dance scene over and over and over.

One of the most interesting things about the movie is how it has made me want to find my childhood best friend Erica. We used to have the best time doing those dances and reciting the movie over and over in our own ignorant bliss.
I wonder if the re-release has made her want to try and find me too!

YAY DIRTY DANCING!

2007-03-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm still on a hunt to find my new home.

And today this was the winner for the weirdest ad....

"DICK CHENEY HEART ATTACK SPECIAL!!! NO FEE!!!
$1299 / 1br - DICK CHENEY HEART ATTACK SPECIAL!!! NO FEE!!!
Do you deserve the best life has to offer???

Do You desire an underpriced apartment in an incredible location???

Does Dick Cheney Totally Suck???

Well then...TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!!

This Super, Incredibly, Radical apartment features: - ENORMOUS SIZE…700+ square feet. Bigger than Rosie O’Donnell’s mouth!!! - Minutes from Shopping and Nightlife!!! - HOME OFFICE SPACE This Apartment is Available for IMMEADIATE MOVE-IN!!! (Apr 1. at the latest)

This Apartment is one of HUNDREDS that we manage!!! Contact ME to discuss your current situation...I SPECIALIZE IN NO FEE LISTINGS!!! Call ME before Someone Else Takes Advantage of This REDICULOUSLY UNDERPRICED APARTMENT!!! DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS!!! "

This is the actual ad for an apartment. I promise I am not making this up. They even included this picture of Dick Cheney instead of an apartment.

Someone out there thinks I'm gonna fork over a lot of money because they found an apartment "Bigger than Rosie O’Donnell’s mouth". I just want to know who calls these people and is like "Hey I liked your craigslist ad, really great stuff....wanna show me some apartments?"

2007-03-21T10:50:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don't know I am in the process of looking for a new apartment.

It's interesting to see what's out there. Although, one of my biggest pet peeves is when a realtor will post an ad for an apartment, and instead of posting pictures of the place they post a picture of themselves.

Why would anyone do that? I'm not interested in renting the place with them in it. In fact I'd rather they not be involved at all.

It's frustrating when I look at an ad and see this:

PRIME LOWER EAST SIDE LOCALE OFF RIVINGTON APT IS LARGE WITH NEW RENOVATIONS INCLUDING BRAND NEW SLEEK STAINLESS STEEL AND BLACK APPLIANCES IN AN EAT IN KITCHEN APT IS RENT STABILIZED CALL...

What is she trying to say with this? This is how we will feel if we rent this apartment? She comes with the place like a dishwasher?

Hey....maybe I'm not getting it. Maybe she is a dishwasher! I'm gonna call.

2007-03-12T13:11:00.000-04:00

Confession:
I like Steve Winwood.
Something about his songs make me smile.

Apology:
I'm sorry for being so dorky.

2007-03-02T13:48:00.000-05:00

Went to the doctor yesterday, and she told me that I needed to start paying attention to what I eat. She said that I am gaining weight and in order to stop I need to "eat healthy, stop drinking sodas, and give up carbs".
I know what you are thinking...Waa waa waa. Another blog about a girl on a diet.
Well, this is like being told that my voice is broken and I can't speak anymore.
I'm obsessed with chicken wings, bagels, pizza, pasta, and coke.
And these things...I guess are what causing my legs to get "thicker".
So in an effort to get less thick, I went to whole foods at lunch and ordered brown rice sushi and bought rice cakes.
The one good thing about eating healthy is that gummy bears are fat free.
Maybe I'll go on a gummi bear diet.
I love gummi bears.
Ooooo is there such a thing as healthy buffalo wings?
We'll see how this whole "super healthy" lifestyle is on my bod. I'm gonna give it a couple weeks.

Anyone down to hit up Atomic wings with a pack of haribo frogs?

2007-02-27T10:14:00.000-05:00

So I did it. Wish me luck.
I submitted a spec script to the Nickelodeon Writer's Fellowship Program. Which is a writing program where you work for a year at Nickelodeon writing for their animated series. It gives you the chance to learn all the how to's of writing for cartoons. My chances are slim to none that anything will come of it...but that's fine with me.
I'm just really happy that I did it. I saw the website a while ago and thought about it for months (thought about it means "I should do that") but never did anything to really begin a submission.
Then last week I saw that the deadline was approaching fast and in that time I wrote an entire spec script/admission packet and sent it off.
I work best when it comes to last min deadlines, so maybe my sub-conscious was looking out for me.
I had a fun time writing the script and feel proud that I did something that originally was a hypothetical "I'd like to do that".
It's a beautiful feeling to stretch yourself in ways you aren't used to. I recommend it to everyone.

2007-02-22T10:24:00.000-05:00

So today is my birthday and to celebrate I've told a bunch of people to come on down to one of the tackiest and trashiest establishments in these United States of America.
HOOTERS.
The possible reasons?
I'd like to look at boobs = NO
The wings are amazing = Maybe
I love the color orange = NO
They have a table shaped like upside down Florida = YES.
I have about 40 people coming to eat wings and sit around a table shaped like Florida, and yes it's upside down. The guy/girl in charge of building the tables obviously didn't realize that this was the special FLA table and put together all wrong. Which is some weird way is appropriate.
Also, sad as it sounds...Hooters is home to me. My parents have taken my brother and I there since we were little kids. He had his b-day party there when he was like 6. We never saw the problem with the place...it was a fun place to get chicken wings.
Now that I'm older and have moved away from the state of Florida as well as the state of mind of Florida I realize that there may indeed be something not right with having your son's 6 year old birthday at Hooters...but that's for another post.
This post is about me.
I'm turning 28 today and I'm having my birthday party at Hooters, with 40 friends...can it get any better?

2007-02-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

I love Caton Clark.

2007-01-30T15:59:00.000-05:00

Office calendar says this today:

"When we rush in, we often want to rush out."

I read this and I keep thinking about the band "Rush"...it makes me think I should listen to them. I don't know enough.

Then it makes me think of crazy Paula Abdul and her song "Rush Rush" with the video starring Keanu Reeves.

Then I think of scooby doo singing the song as "Hush Hush".

Now that I showed you my brain map of that quote...read the quote again.

So much better like that right Paula?

2007-01-25T13:08:00.000-05:00

I've signed up to take a Children's Book Writing class at Gotham Writer's Workshop (thanks Liz). So far the class has been great for me, since the first class I've written a show, read three books, and cooked crab cakes from scratch.
I've done everything but write the children's book...and it's due in less than a week. It's not because of the class...the teacher is doing a great job to inspire everyone to write.
Perhaps I have writers block...I'm not quite sure what that feels like, but maybe that's it.
I know the stories, I have a bout five I could write, but they are all in my head.
When I put them down on paper I think "this story sucks. kids will tell me that it's an impossible story."
So I start over and try to make it more fun and less impossible. By replacing a million dollars with a lifetime supply of gummy bears.

That's more realistic right?

I think I'm watching too much deal or no deal.

2007-01-24T16:01:00.000-05:00

I just received a desktop calendar for work with little inspirations.
Today it says:
"The mind can absorb no more than the seat can endure." - Janet Trasli

So does this mean that I am an idiot because I like to keep moving?

2007-01-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

Okay...I haven't posted in a while..in fact this is the first post this year I have written.
And all the thanks can go to Jen Hammaker. She has "tagged" me...What is a tag? Well it's blog game where I've been asked to tell you all a list of 5 things you don’t know about me.
I'm scared that one of you will read this and know all of these things...so I'm going to dig into my secret chest and pull out the things I think I forgot about.

1) My middle name is Edna (most everyone knows that). As a child I had a next door neighbor named Edna who was my 4 year old best bud. She always spent a lot of time getting her hair braided and it made me incredibly jealous as I had floppy boring hair that got in my eyes. So one day I asked her to braid my hair...being the 4 year old who gets braided she didn't know how to do it so she cut my hair off.
My mom didn't let me play with her anymore.

2) I worked out yesterday and listened to "We didn't start the fire", Neverending Story", and "I would do anything for love" and never hit skip.

3) I once spent a night on the street talking to a homeless woman in a wheelchair about her entire life. I saw her years later and she didn't recognize me.

4) When I was a teenager I would sleepwalk all over my neighborhood and wake up at the neighbors house on their front porches. (notice this sentence is plural..this happened more than once.)

5) Deep down I wish I had enough attitude in me to get fake nails.

Okay...next up
Let's see what these ladies..and a Baer have in their closets...

Maddy Mako
Pat Baer
Anne Nodar
Shannon Oneill
Kristina Sepulveda

2006-12-14T16:37:00.000-05:00

You know you are old....
when your cousin says "let's go out all night and get wasted" and you grunt because it sounds like less than fun and more like a hangover.

2006-12-12T17:51:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me well know that I get a little red in the face when I talk about girl stuff..you know like anatomy, genes, and how much I like to sew.
Well today I went to the doctor, she did a sonogram on my girly parts to make sure they were doing their part...and doing it in the right way.
While she did this, she showed them to me and said the following...(please read in a very funny and cute russian accent)
OH look, there is your uterus! Very beautiful! It looks just wonderful!
(then she moves the tool thing over)
OH MY! look at that....that is your left ovary! How wonderful it looks, it's just right! (moves the tool again)
AND there's your right ovary...it's just right, and so perfect!
This is the kind of talk that would normally send me into crazy embarrasment town.
But instead I sat there, waited for it all to be over got ready and headed out.
On my way down in the elevator I felt ridiculously happy for my innards...I mean it's not every day that they get to hear how beautiful they are.

Then a couple hours later I was happy and thankful that I'm healthy and that my girly parts are just right....and you know what, I realized that I didn't turn red once.

2006-12-11T18:53:00.000-05:00

I've never recieved flowers at work.
Until today...
Thank you Miss. Erin Rose Foley...you are my favorite.

Seriously though, it's the nicest thing having you as my best friend.

2006-11-28T12:33:00.000-05:00

Are you a racist? Harvard thinks so...
This website is interesting.
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/takeatest.htm
It has a ton of little psychological tests that let you in on the darker side of your inner workings...maybe all of us have a little Kramer/Lauren Hill inside.

My results reflect that I have no preference between White people and Black people.
This is obviously wrong...if you are a freind of mine you know that my favorite jokes are racist ones!
These people are exposing my secret laugh hit! How am I supposed to go out on the street screaming racial slurs if I'm NOT A RACIST?

I guess like Kramer I will have to look on to other themes for my comedy.
Perhaps sexism...that's always funny. And everyone knows that I love vaccuming!

2006-11-27T12:51:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was wonderful..I got a new tv, a tummy filled with turkey, and some good sleepy time on many couches and beds.
So this is what it feels like to be rested!

I'm going to paris this new years and have begun learning french all over again and researching where to go and what to see while we are there.
So far I can tell people in France the weather is, how to add 1 + 2, and that I am alright.
OH! And I can ask "Where is the bathroom?" Which is the only thing I think I may actually use!

2006-10-31T17:12:00.000-05:00

My mother was recently promoted from elementary school teacher...to college professor of elementary school teachers.
This is all I hear about (and rightfully so).
My mother is also responsible for scaring the crap outta kids every Halloween.
Yes...I grew up in "THAT" house.
You know the house that people stand at the sidewalk scared to go further because the candy can in no way be worth it.
Every day of the year our house had a billion kids running in and out of it...except on Halloween.
On Halloween my mother and her friends would transform the house into the creepiest house in the neighborhood. This includes gluing fake faces and hands to their own hands and face, draping the house in black, and blaring the craziest music through every speaker in the place. My father dresses up as a werewolf and hides waiting to chase kids through the yard, and my brother always wore black and would lay flat until an unsuspecting kid would attempt to go in for the candy. Then he would jump up and ask where they thought they were going and undoubtedly they would run as fast as they could in whichever direction they happened to be in.
This was their tradition...I always would dress in cute costumes or ones that I found especially clever.
I would go trick or treating and approach my house with bags of candy only to find almost as much still in my mom’s candy dish...or bags lost from scared kids up and down the sidewalk.
I'd plop down after the festivities and listen to the stories of scared kids, teenagers, and adults...while chewing on whatever was the candy of the night.
Things are still the same in the Allan house...
I always call my mom around this time every year and ask about the new additions...sometimes she breaths fire..or something crazy like that...
Anyways..I called her tonight and she answered in an unusual tone. Normally she's so hyped I can barely talk to her, this time she was calm and collected.
I asked her if she was getting ready and she said with a sigh...
"No.
I have to teach tonight.
Someone else in the neighborhood is going to be a witch for me this year."

This was said with such sadness and defeat that all I could do was say "huh".

Everything has a price I guess.

2006-10-24T13:23:00.000-04:00

There is a website where you can type in your names and it shows you how many people in the US have your exact name.
20 People have the name Amanda Allan.
I've never met one.
I've met the sister of Amanda Allen (Jess Allen). But never an actual hand to hand shake with another sweet sista of the cognominis (same name in latin).
So I did what anyone who is interested in seeing what their other selves look like....I image googled myself.
I'm happy to say that I am the first pic to pop up if you type in my name, and I am happy to say that I seem to be the weirdest of the A.A.'s.
The cool thing is, that it seems like google has made sure that there is only one pic for each of us.
Do you think that they all have the same life as I do? Just in different form.
Like the lady in black, does she have a cat named Ralph Machio the Karate Cat.
And the dental assistant...does she love cheese doodles?
How about the chick with the super bright colored background...I bet she bought her first car in a 7-11 parking lot for $800.00 as well, only to have it die on her.
Perhaps we all have the same things happen to us, we just look different so the outcome changes.
Naahhhh...there is no way that the lady at the spa loves "Flavor of Love 2" as much as I did.
Chcek out the Amanda Allan's

2006-10-18T15:33:00.000-04:00

When I was in the fifth grade I wanted to be Dolly Madison in the school play of the "Constitution".
I wanted it for three reasons
1. She was the only girl in the play.
2. She had the best costume...naturally since everyone else had to dress up as boys.
3. She had a kick ass speach about women being able vote that tore the house down.

I remember preparing for the audition by saying the speech over and over again in my room. Making sure I knew it backwards and forwards so that when I got up there I could say "no one knew it better than me".
When audition day arrived I stood up in front of everyone and read my part as if Dolly Madison was this day's Scarlett O'Hara...I had no idea who Dolly Madison really was but figured she must have been awesome if she was the only girl.

When I finished my speech with the last line:
"and FINALLY women had the right to vote". Put my head down to signify that the scene was over and waited.
Everyone applauded and the Assistant Principal (who at the time was acting as the casting director) stood up and said "Well, it seems we have a little Jodie Foster on our hands".

huh?

I was acting like DOLLY MADISON...not JODIE FOSTER.
This confused me for a good day or so, until my mother explained that she meant it as a compliment.
Needless to say, I got the part. I wore an awesome outfit and I tore the house down...I even got over my disatisfaction with the Assistant Principle.

I have an audition tomorrow that I am excited about.
I'm goin in just to come out saying... "No one knew it better than me".

2006-10-16T16:03:00.000-04:00

I went upstate this weekend to visit my grandparents.

I was always told that my grandma was brought over from Germany during the war by here mother and was raised in the Bronx without a father.
Supposedly he sent his wife and two daughters to America to save them from being hurt by the Nazi’s, never to see them again.

This is what my dad was told...and this is what he told me.

I was sitting in my grandma's house yesterday when out of nowhere she says. Oh yeah my father died four years ago.
I sat up and asked her what she meant. How did she know that?
"Oh he had Alzheimer’s and was in the Bronx. Lived to be 94. Guess he did alright huh!"
She then said once she remembered her mom going to his house for money...and he shut her out.

So now we have this little dilemma....do we believe the original story that has been told over and over again and has become the fate of the grandpa my dad never knew?

Or do we believe the new and unimproved story where my dad's grandpa was a deadbeat dad that wound up in the Bronx....a la Flavor Flav?

YEAAAAAAAHHHHH BOOOYYYY.
Talk about real life drama.

2006-10-06T09:06:00.000-04:00

Today is Friday...
I'm going to let you all in three little secrets of mine:

1. As a kid I used reenact "Mungo Jerry and Rumpleteaser" from the hit musical CATS every day after school.

2. When my mother would put my hair in a pony tail I would tell her to make it like a tennis player’s hair. (I had never seen a game of tennis).

3. I cannot WAIT to see A Chorus Line on Broadway. This embarrasses me in the sense that I turn read and my voice raises three octaves when I talk about it.
But something inside really wants to sit there and watch those dance numbers with a ponytail so I can go home and reenact them after work.

I think I'm regressing.

2006-10-04T12:05:00.000-04:00

The eye doctor said I have perfect vision.
(just to recap for those of you who were wondering)

In other news. I heard someone on the street say "This city is too damn confusing. How on earth could anyone live here? This place is just too busy!"

I heard this and smiled..cause I know the answer:
Avoid times square and 34th street, oh...and learn to walk.

2006-09-29T10:53:00.000-04:00

Today I am going to be experiencing a lifetime first.

I will be going to the eye doctor for the first time in my life today. I've lived 27 years and have never been, with the exception of the DMV...but they really hate their jobs and do not pay much attention to what's going on.
So this should be exciting. A guy in my office said that they will put weird stuff in my eyes that will make me blind for an hour.
HOW EXCITING!
I hope I pass, and I hope they tell me that I am special.
Cause I am.
And I can only imagine that the optomotrist's job is to tell people that they are special.
Eyes are the windows to the soul....so does that make them "soul doctors"?

2006-09-21T09:53:00.000-04:00

This blog is dedicated to Mr.Caton Clark.

Congrats on getting your film into the Austin Film Festival!
Austin here we come!

2006-09-15T13:12:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who could sleep in late, watch the price is right, and pet her kittens everyday.
She could do this because she had a trust fund.
And she lived happily ever after.

I wish I had a trust fund.

2006-09-01T09:27:00.000-04:00

When my brother was close to being born my parents bought me a strawberry shortcake doll and a book about siblings to try and teach me the "you will not be the only one" lesson.
I loved the book they gave me, it was all about a big package coming to the house and the child can't wait to find out what it is...and what's inside.
He goes through all of the possibilities one bypassing the next in greatness.
Finally the mother opens the box and it's a stroller.
The gift isn't even for him.
It's for a new baby that's coming.

The child is stunned for another three pages when this is revealed.

Finally another package comes and the kid has accepted that it must be another stroller for this baby, and dismisses it.
The wonder of packages has worn off.

When his mother opens this package, out comes a brand new red tricycle!
And it's for him...everyone knows babies can't ride tricycles!
He gets on it and wheels all over town happy as can be.

Today.
I got a package.

It's not a baby, or a stroller, or a tricycle.

Today....I finally got an oven for my apartment. A big shiny brand new oven.
I've lived seven years without being able to make a turkey on Thanksgiving, or cookies for special rainy days, or cakes for birthdays.

Now...I can be a baker.

I'm gonna go ride that oven all over town.

2006-08-28T10:35:00.000-04:00

Thank you Jen Macneil.

http://jenmacjen.blogspot.com/

When you say "HUGE"? Are you referring to my weight? Cause I don't know if that's really what I'm looking for. I'd like to be successful...but not fat. (just kidding of course)

you made my week.

2006-08-23T14:32:00.000-04:00

So I learned how to sew last night.
I am sew excited to sew a something or two!
To celebrate the new education of my sewing skills I dedicate this entry to the bag I made last night.
Feast your eyes on the first of many (hopefully) Amanda Allan originals!

Props to Jennifer my friend from work for being my model.

2006-08-21T12:51:00.000-04:00

You know those racks in stores like Marshalls and TJ Maxx where it's a circle, and all the sale stuff is all strewn in on hangers as tight as possible?
To my brother this used to be a haven of safety and hilarious fun.

My brother was notorious for escaping out of his strollers without my mother noticing...either that or my mother was notorious for not paying attention to her son while he wrestled out of the stroller and took off for freedom.

He had a trick to making it work. He would wait till my mother was engrossed in whatever store we were at and their AMAZING SALES...and would slip his one foot under the seat belt, then he would wriggle out and VIOLA...he was free. He made it look so easy.
A lot of the times he would crawl directly into one of the circle clothing racks and sit...and wait.
He would wait and wait for however long it would take. He sat there and watched the feet of mothers and grandmothers, teenagers, and nanny's you name it he watched them all with an amazing patience and sharp perception...he was the hunter and my mother was the game. Then the hunt began as soon as he saw his mother’s feet and empty stroller approach the rack.
As soon as my mother would reach to browse the clothes on the rack he would ever so slightly turn the rack. Most of the time she didn't catch on right away, thinking it was another shopper and trying not to be rude.
Then he would...and this was my favorite part...sprawl his arms on both sides of the rack, crawl up to where he could get leverage from the middle...and twirl and twirl.
The entire time laughing and freaking out at his success...
until the hand...
HER HAND came from up above grabbed him by whatever gave her enough to grab, be it hair, shirt or skin...catapulting him through the air, and back into that dreaded stroller.
It was at this point my mother would yell..."KEEP IT UP NICHOLAS AND PREPARE TO DIE" at volumes not intended for the meek.
Then the entire department store would get quiet, occasionally you would hear a "whoa" drift out of someone’s shocked expression.
My mother would fix her blouse...move to the next rack as if nothing important had happened and would fixate onto the next possible sale.

And yes...you guessed it. As she approached the next circle rack...he was already gone and waiting.

2006-08-17T17:54:00.000-04:00

I like that show "so you think you can dance".
Sometimes when I watch it, I find myself inspired by the one min routines that they do for America and I stand up and do a one min routine for my cats.
They lay there staring at me while I dance around them as funny as I can...they sit there and do not move a muscle.
I dance harder trying to elicit a reaction.
Nothing.
I dance harder.
Nothing.
I dance so hard I am totally convinced that my neighbor will see me through the window...think I'm having a seizure call an ambulance which will then send my entire neighborhood on death watch*.
NOTHING.

I've decided that they should make cats the hosts of these talent show thingy’s.
The more they do not react...the funnier it gets...and the more you want it.

Boy do I want it...if I have to throw my hips out, I'm gonna get those cats to laugh.

*The death watch is the term I made up for what happens on my block when an ambulance stops on the street. Everyone comes out of their houses and stares to see if anyone has died. It's morbid and strange...but happens every single time.

2006-08-10T16:20:00.000-04:00

In an effort to try and get hot...like "make your body talk" hot. I purchased a NIKE "Improve your indurance" MP3 on ITunes.
It's pretty rad...
This is how it works...they have a bunch of mixes thrown together for you to run to. There is a guys voice that comes on every once in a while and tells you to "slow down your pace" or to "kick it up!". He says things like "Push it...think about your goal" "You can do it, you are half-way there!"

When I was younger I would run to get away from my teenage angst. I had fire in my step and determination poured from my everything.
I would run and have conversations like this in my head:

"That's right, keep going! Pretty soon you will be able to beat the state record!
Get your speed up so you can beet that Lazenga girl (she was my rival)!
So what if he doesn't notice you...he will one day, especially if you keep it up!"

Now...
I sit in a gym, pushing myself to this pre-recorded jerkface workout and always have this conversation:

"Yay! You made it to the gym.
You are listening to a recording.
This guy sounds like Speed Racer.
If you stop he will never know.
This is a recording.
No one will know.
Just stop.
No...keep going, you want a hot tummy and butt....keep going.
No You should stop. You know you are goinng to get wings after this anyways".

And I do.
I do go get the wings afterwards.

2006-07-20T15:29:00.000-04:00

My best friend from high school is having a baby as I type this.
This is the girl that I would pick up everyday in my pick up truck and drop off every night.
This is the girl that I would sneak out of the house to go to parties with.
This is the girl that used to dye my hair in her bathtub.
This is the girl that used to have dudes from the internet call her "just to talk".
This is the girl that got really drunk one night and told me she was a lesbian...only to take it back after she sobered up.
This is the girl that makes the worlds best breakfasts.
This is the girl that impresses me with her ability to down a dr.pepper in no time flat, then burp it out so loud that time will stop.
This is the girl that I used to cruise to the beach with while listening to remixes of sarah mcglaughin or sublime all the while smoking and singin along.
This is the girl that would make boys she didn't like sit "bitch" in my truck so that they had to deal with my stick shift and she didn't.
This is the girl that fell in love with a man in jail and almost married him.
This is the girl that says things so backwards sometimes that they make sense.

I am so excited to meet this baby just to tell him that I used to call his mom Shay-Rock, cause that was her gang name in our suburban gang.

2006-06-29T13:24:00.000-04:00

When I was a little girl I wanted to go to see Pete's Dragon.
I wanted to see it so bad that I locked myself in my room demanding that if I didn't get to see it I would never come out again.
My mother's response to this:
"Suit yourself. You should clean your room while your in there."

Don't worry...I finally saw it.
But can you imagine if I hadn't?

2006-06-28T12:16:00.000-04:00

Movie Review...by Amanda Allan.
I saw the Lakehouse.
Do not go see the Lakehouse.
Unless you want to see "You've got mail" the magical version.
That's all I can say about that.

2006-06-22T20:05:00.000-04:00

So one would think that getting an education would make you a better person right?
Well, I've got my degree and I still do not want to do my laundry.

2006-06-09T11:50:00.001-04:00

Last night I watched "The Lost Boys of Sudan". It's a documentary about a group of Sudaneese refugees that come to America. All of the boys that come over have lost their parents and or families in war, and now are trying to make a new life for themselves in America.
It's one of those movies that humbles your problems and makes you feel really tiny in respect to the rest of the world.
Like how can I be upset because the woman standing in front of me on the subway decided to board the train before everyone exited the train...when Darfur is the way it is and innocent people die everyday.
If you haven't checked it out, you really should.
It's a good film.

2006-05-24T16:24:00.000-04:00

This is my last post as a person who has not graduated from college....EVER.

Also.
I have an ipod, and my friend at work gave me a dancing owl that is dressed in a graduation cap and gown.
He starts his dance by walking to the Pomp and Circumstance, and then in the middle of the march the music changes and he breaks it down to the Funky chicken.

I wanna do that when I graduate.

2006-05-18T11:52:00.000-04:00

FINALLY!
I am joining the cool kids club.
I have just ordered my very first ipod. I have had a creative micro zen for a long time and it keeps busting on me...and the whole time I look at it like it's just not as good as the real thing.
Well, now...I will be getting a brand spanking new ipod with "Edna’s music box" engraved on the back.
I will download TV shows, audio books, and subscribe to pod casts, I will get to finally be in the know when it comes to new music and bands, I will get "updates" and cd covers shown to me when the song plays, I will understand what a play list is and how to manage one, I can join the running group "welcome back trotters" and actually trot along, I can dj for dance dance party party and bring my own music, I can smile and know that after years of yearning I have finally done it...I'm an apple ipod owner.
Sweet.
I hope it gets here soon, so I can jerk around in the shadows while wearing colorful clothing.

2006-05-15T14:54:00.000-04:00

I graduate next week and I can hardly wait. It's all I can talk about.
I think my friends are happy it's happening because they are proud of me AND they don't have to hear about it anymore!
Part of me thinks that I am making it a much bigger deal than it really is, I mean a bajillion people graduate every year. Right?
I just think it's cool to celebrate finishing school...although I really wish they had a graduation mascot like the easter bunny, of the tooth fairy...but instead it would be an owl named Smarty Pants (he would undoubtedly be wearing pants) and his catch phrase would be "You graduated! Who gives a hoot?" Then he gives you a high five and says "save yourself from becoming endangered like me and go to grad school".

I don't know I just think it would be so much cooler to have a gigantic owl talk at graduation. I think when I am sitting there listening to the guy they picked to talk to all of us about our accomplishments, I'm going to imagine him in an owl costume flapping around.

2006-04-28T12:34:00.000-04:00

When I had a car and could drive everywhere I would turn to "the radio gods" to make decisions for me..."Do I go to this place or the next place, hmmm why don't I see what song comes on next is awesome, if it is then I'll go to this place...if it is a crapy song then I guess I'll go to the other place". Then I'd let the radio be my guide.
Today while getting ready for work I was listening to the radio and they played Was Not Was "walk the dinosaur"
When it came on the radio I stopped brushing my teeth looked at myself in the mirror and thought "today the radio gods are smiling...this day is special".
Then I spit out my toothpaste and joined in with a little "Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom".

2006-04-21T14:59:00.000-04:00

I have never had allergies before...and I don't know if I do now.
What I do know:
I have a little cloud in my head and it likes to stuff up my nose and itch my throat. It also makes me exhausted.
So after speaking to people about it I've been told these are allergies.
I have tried taking Claritin, Benedryl, and Allegra. Allegra is winning so far although it makes me feel goofy and a little like I'm on something I shouldn't be on.
Benedryl has given me crazy dreams and Claritin didn't do it for me.
All in all, I think that these "allergies" may be something too crazy for me to handle. I am a grown up after all and not used to parading around in broad daylight all cracked out on meds.

I think I'll go make some prank calls to make me feel better.

2006-04-18T17:31:00.000-04:00

I went to the beach this past weekend and on my way there I drove through a town called "little heaven".
While driving through the tiny town of trailer parks and motorcycles I noticed that the most jumping spot in the town was the liquor store.
I then made the assesment that they must have been joking when they named the town that and appriciated the chuckle on my drive.
Directly after we reached little heaven's boundaries I noticed a sign pointing toward "slaughter beach".
Seriously....people go swimming in SLAUGHTER BEACH.
I laughed and decided that it was the WORST name that someone could name a beach. I mean who lives in slaughter beach?
I figure that must be where all of the monsters and mean guys from the movies must live.

Thank god I made it out of there alive, Delaware is kind of a scary place.

2006-04-13T13:34:00.000-04:00

It's happened!
There are 7-eleven's in the big apple.
In support of this phenomenom I will share with you all my one of my favorite terms.
"7-eleven feet"
In Florida we use this term to describe bare feet with black bottoms. Basically they look as if you walked around barefoot in 7-eleven.
Which if you don't know....many redneck's can be seen doing on a daily basis.

When I saw my first NYC 7-eleven I said two things
"I need to get a slurpee, and I need to do it barefoot".
Part of me feels as if these "NYC 7-eleven's" are going to be neglected of their redneck right up here in the north.
I feel like it's my duty...as part 50% white trash...to dress in cut offs and a t-shirt that says "get her done? get ME done!" while I chew on dip and talk to the employee's about how all the mexicans are taking our jobs.
(note: this conversation would happen even if the employees are mexican.)
I'd call myself Justine and then after talkin for a bit to the register guys, I would stand outside and just stand there watching people go in and out... all day long, barefoot and bored.
Cause that's what they do at 7-eleven's in some parts of Florida...
something tells me that they won't be doing much of that here in NYC.

2006-04-12T11:07:00.000-04:00

Somehow my email knows I'm a dork.
Today I recieved an email telling me that Air Supply and Billy Ocean will be playing together in concert this summer.
Just to make sure we are on the same page...I am NOT on a mailing list for either of those bands. I am NOT involved in a fan site, or myspace friends with either of them.
But for some reason my email decided to make me aware of their soon to be touring existence.
How?
I mean I keep my music to myself...when on the subway I go out of my way to make sure no one knows I am listening to "Sweet Dreams" by Air Supply, or "Caribbean Queen " by Billy Ocean.

I DO plan to try and go to this concert with the hopes that they all team together and sing a medly of "get out of my dreams and into my car...making love out of nothing at all...when the going gets tough the tough get going...and all out of love".
Question: How could I NOT go to this concert?
Although the bigger question at hand is: How did my email know this?

Big brother is watching...indeed.

2006-04-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

Ever been to Indian Rocks Beach?
I have spent many a week on that beach. My favorite memory though out of all of them came on my last trip to the beach.
My mother and her girlfrriends rented a place on the beach for a week to get away and relax, I happened to book a flight home at the same time and was invited by default to join them. I thought at first....YUCK, go to the beach with my mom and her friends? This is going to be SOME vacation.
We got a great room in a sweet super swanky hotel, then spent everyday eating shrimp cocktail and blackened grouper, sunbathing and shopping, laughing and of course drinking. It ended up being one of the best weeks of my life.
One afternoon my mom suggested we all go to a beach bar get pina colada's and sit and watch the sunset to see if we could see the "green flash"

For those of you who don't know what "the green flash" is here's a brief explanation:
"Green flashes and green rays are rare optical phenomena that occur shortly after sunset or before sunrise, when a green spot is visible for a short period of time above the sun, or a green ray shoots up from the sunset point. It is usually observed from a low altitude where there is an unobstructed view of the horizon, such as on the ocean." -wikipedia
Supposedly it brings you good luck.

So we all went and set up camp at a beach bar and waited for the flash. I remember commenting on how empty the place was considering how amazing it was outside.
Then out of nowhere all of these old...and I mean OLD people came wheeling and waddling in to get their spots good and ready. They all crowded around the edge of the bar to see the ocean from the best possible view...it was as if they came off the "cocoon" tour bus and were directed to stand right in front of our table.
They acted like the closer they got to the table, the longer they might live.
If this weren't bad enough out of nowhere they started to play the 2001 space oddessy theme. As the sun got closer to set, the music got louder.
All of these old people then got very quiet, listened to the music and waited for the sun to go down. You couldn't hear anything but that drum and horn...BAH BAH BAH BUDUDHDHD.
Then out of the silence all I hear is my mom go
"Damn it, I didn't get to see it!" and old lady with a gigantic hat turns around and says "SHHHHhhh, you will ruin it for us". My mom then replies "Oh get a life lady".
My mom and her friends then all start laughing...triumphant against these old biddies who are taking their veiw from them.
I then watched the lady's husband wrap his arm around her and whisper "you've got a life, couldn't get much better could it?"

I remember thinking...that's it.
That's what it's about.
I hope that when I am being wheeled around, or on my way to spoon-fed land I have the smarts to make it to the 2001 space odessy sunset bar with someone I love, and I get to try and see that green flash for the rest of my days.

2006-04-07T12:45:00.000-04:00

Being that it's Friday I've decided to adopt an animal.
Today I became the proud foster parent of Timi.

Timi, is the 75th orphan chimpanzee at Tchimpounga sanctuary. His mother was shot for bushmeat.

I supposedly will get a picture of him and info on how he's doing in the mail. I can't wait!
If you're sitting around deciding what kind of an animal to adopt on your Friday afternoon I highly endorse checking out The Jane Goodall Institute. All proceeds go directly into getting the chimps medicine food and whatever else they may need to continue to live.

2006-04-06T14:26:00.000-04:00

I was trying to think of one of the most embarrassing moments of my childhood and I was having trouble...
I had a lot of little ones, but nothing that was highly traumatic...
Except I do have a weird fear of reading on the toilet.

When I was in kindergarten I was really into reading (my mom is a teacher and was very pro-reading while raising me).
One day during free time I started to read a book.
All of the sudden the teacher exclaimed that free time was over and we should all go back to our desks.
Well! I wasn't finished with my book, free time couldn't be over...so I looked around for a good place to hide and finish reading.
I decided that I would go to the bathroom and bring the book with me so I could read the rest of it without getting into trouble.
I tucked the book I was reading up in my skirt held it between my legs and waddled over to the bathroom. I remember waving my hands in the air in an effort to divert attention away from my legs.
I walked up to the bathroom turned the "Green light Go" sign to "Red light STOP!" on the doorknob, sat down on the toilet, and began to finish my read.
It seemed to be the perfect place; I could go to the bathroom and read at the same time, and all without the interference of the rest of the class!
I had found a perfect place!!
Well, somewhere between the toilet paper, being in heaven, and the end of the book I dropped the book into the toilet.
THIS WAS HORRIBLE.
Not only was I missing from the class, but the book was as well...and not only that but if I wanted to finish the book I would have to fish it out of pee water.
YUCK!
After much contemplation I decided to do what any other smart 5/6 year old would do.
I quietly snuck out of the bathroom. Let the door shut WITHOUT switching the "Red Light STOP!" sign.
I then spent the rest of the day watching a bunch of little kids stand outside that bathroom...squirm around and eventually after they couldn't hold it anymore go to the next door classroom.
I never told my teacher, never finished reading that book, and still to this day you'll never see me anywhere near a toilet with a book.

2006-03-17T13:24:00.000-05:00

As I was leaving my agents office this morning/afternoon I came out onto 42nd st across from Grand Central and was greeted by hundreds of green wearing semi-drunk people. You could actually smell the beer on the hoards of them.
Everyone was so proud and so excited to feast on his or her corned beef and Guinness all in celebration of their heritage.

Some of my favorite things I heard within moments were:
(New York accent)"I don't know where Connolly’s is"
(A man with bagpipes)"We should get to the pub, I can't take the crowd"
(Very thick Irish accent)"F*ck you, F*cker. The nerve and on St. Patty's Day!"

I got lost in the crowd ducked out jumped on the train to go to another audition and realized that I too felt a little happier on St. Patty's day. I'm not Irish but it's a good day, people are in a good mood throughout most of the day...although by the evening you can't really say that.
To get to the point...to all of you crazy drunk Irish folk jumping around in your kilts, thank You...you made my day...and I'm just a mutt.

2006-03-16T11:59:00.000-05:00

"Your loved ones don't ordinarily expect you to say or do highly erratic things. You tend to put their feelings right at the top of your priority list, and you never do anything that will hurt them or make them feel unimportant. Right about now, however, the universe will toss something in your direction that will be too good to refuse, even if it means acting totally out of character. Go for it. When was the last time you allowed yourself to be totally impetuous?"

That's my horoscope for today...

I think those horoscope people are talking about Coldstone Cheesecake ice cream, it is definitely too good to be true, and I'd have no trouble being "impetuous" with that stuff.

2006-03-06T13:49:00.000-05:00

What do you take for granted?
On my way back from lunch I went to get onto the elevator and I noticed it jump up and down before the door closed, the gentleman inside let out a scared peep and said "did you just see that?". He then looked at me with eyes that screamed "please get on the elevator with me so I feel like it was nothing and I don't take a death plunge by myself".
I hesitated and then decided to comfort his worry and stepped in and hit my desired floor.
He turns to me and says "these elevators are insane, just imagine if it dropped and you were stepping out".
I thought to myself..."what a psychotic thought...psycho nutcase".
But instead I replied with a "think of how many other things we take for granted".
The elevator then opened on my floor I stepped out quickly so as not be decapitated if the elevator let go right when I was exiting just the way the man had mentioned...and turned to go.
As the door was shutting he said "yeah. geez, I guess I take a lot for ..."

I put my id on the buzzer thing and imagined that man disappearing into a world of falling elevators.

2006-03-03T13:40:00.000-05:00

This blog entry is dedicated to the rapper T-Pain.

I heard this song for the first time at work today and it lit up my world.
I have decided to post the lyrics to his masterpiece for those of you who have not had a chance to hear this gem, and may have been looking for that perfect song to explain your undying love for "Miami". I can only hope one day I find the kind of guy who wold say...

I'm In Love With A Stripper - T PAIN

Goddamn Lil Mama
U know u thick as hell u know what im sayin
Matter fact
After the club u know what im talkin bout
Me and my niggas gone be together u know what im sayin
I aint gon worry bout them really though
Im just lookin at u
Yea u know
U got them big ass hips god damn!

[Verse 1]
Got the body of a goddess
Got eyes with a peak of brown eyes see you girl
Droppin Low
She Comin Down from the ceiling
To tha floo
Yea She Know what she doin
Yea yea yea
She doin that right thang
Yea yea yea yea ea
I Need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm N Luv wit a stripper

She poppin she rollin she rollin
She climbin that pole and
Im N Luv with a stripper
She trippin she playin she playin
Im not goin nowhere girl im stayin
Im N Luv with a stripper

[Verse 2]
Out of all the girls she be the hottest
Like n the way she break it down i see u girl
Spinnin wide
And She lookin at me
Right in my eyes
Yea She got my attention
yea yea yea
Enough to get me to mention
I Need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause Im N Luv Wit a Stripper

[Verse 3]
She can pop it she can lock it
Take the pinderas down im bout to see this sexy girl
In My bed
She don't know what she is doin
To my head
Yea She turnin tricks on me
Yea Yea Yea
She dont even know me
Yea yea yea ea
I'd have got her over to my crib to do that night thing
Cause I'm N Luv Wit a Stripper

2006-03-02T12:17:00.000-05:00

When I would play Barbies as a child with my best friend Erika we would spend most of the time setting up the house.
Then we would put on Jack Wagner's hit single "All I Need" and make the Barbies play "Frisco and Felicia" from TV’s General Hospital.

Just remembered and thought you should know.

2006-02-21T09:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was in the dressing room of one of my favorite stores (Megan you know which one I am talking about) and all of the sudden I hear this coming from the next stall/dressing room...
"Moooooommmmmmm I want to go"
"shut-up Miami. Sit down and shut the hell up"

I stopped mid-shirt pull off, and froze. I was in amazement...
Not at the mean language, or the verbal abuse being flung onto this little child...
But because I thought that I heard her call her daughter Miami.

Then she said it again
"Miami, I said SIT DOWN".

That's just not right. Who in their right mind would do that to a person? That little girl is set up for failure...or to be a stripper.
As Will Smith once said..."Ah Bienvenido a miami".

I love dressing rooms.

2006-02-20T16:29:00.000-05:00

The other day I was outside taking advantage of the 10 min. break in the middle of one of the more boring of my classes this semester. One of the girls that I have befriended was outside and we were discussing the mean girl in the class.
I'm sorry, I mean the "miss know it all" in my class.
Well, my new buddy turns to me and says...
"Wanna know why she's so Orange?" and I say sure..she says
"cause she tan's in my tanning salon ALL the time". Then her eyes got really big and she said..
"Better yet I bet you can't even gues how OLD she is!"
I stopped unsure of what to say in response to this...was she implying that little miss know it all was an old lady? Cause when compared to my age, I would say I may beat her...or was she implying that she's a young girl who seems older. Such a tricky question.
So I say "I'm bad with these things...how old?"
She whispers "24". Like it's cancer.
I stop and look at her, take a breath then say
"wow. She sure does act like she knows everything, I mean I'm almost 27 and I don't know any of that stuff".
The girl got silent...looked at me and then screamed
"OH MY GOD, YOU TOTALLY LOOK LIKE YOU ARE 20!!! oh. I totally mean that as a compliment."
We both smiled that wierd smile and I walked in thinking...
"Am I turning into one of those older ladies who dresses too young for her age?"
Today...I bought three pairs of sexy 27 year old lady heels.

2006-02-09T11:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes VH1 can be damaging. Last night after getting home from my weird math/dance class I came in plopped down on my couch turned on the tv for some mindless relief and what did I come across?
Greatest teen stars 1-100.
Normally the countdown type shows do not attract my attention...this one though kept me hooked for the entire show. It's like a walk down memory lane mixed with a bit of "where are they now". I was entranced and very happy to have stumbled on this pop culture history lesson...
That was until they got to Chad Allen.
Chad Allen...the crush of my childhood. I had his pictures taped up all over my walls, I think I wrote in my poochie diary quoting Miss Judy Jetson that he was "the spaciest".
Who could resist that blonde haired, blue eyed fast talker with a mug like a prince?
Not I. I mean look at him.

So what happened to this stud?
Well, he showed up on Vh1 and as soon as I saw him on the countdown I geared up with such anticipation to find out where my love was and what he had been up to.
Then they said it...
Chad Allen is gay now, and can't get any work so he runs a small theater in LA.
They said this.
He said this...he actually says "I came out, and there was no more work, so now I run a small theater in L.A."
He's gay.
I mean good for him for coming out and being proud. But back to me...
I spent a majority of my childhood loving a gay teen heart throb. I am scared to go back to that show to find out that there may be more of these instances than my psyche can handle.
I mean seriously...Chad Allen is Gay.
I might as well get the bird flu, cause nothing matters anymore.

2006-02-07T14:27:00.000-05:00

Valentines day has been coming up amongst conversations from friends...
I'm not accustomed to having amazingly romantic valentines days. Not because I'm against it or that really bad things happen...I'm either single or this type of thing happens...

The first and only time I ever got a bunch of red roses was in 1996 on Valentines day. My first ever boyfriend got me a dozen red roses and handed them to me as we got into his car with a "Oh here, these are for you". Then we headed back to our friends house after school and watched cheech and chong's up in smoke.
Wow that was ten years ago.

I also once got a red thong that was shaped into a rose by an ex-boyfriend that he later told me he picked up at the gas station on his way over.
That was five years ago.

Last year I got a call saying "I'll give you a present on your birthday".

So as you can see the magic of the "holiday" has worn off over the years, can't say why...but it has.

Oh and for those of you wondering...I never wore that gas station thing...it was scary.

2006-02-06T17:32:00.000-05:00

I don't like it when guys have long fingernails.
I'm not very judgemental on things...but for some reason when I see a guy with long fingernails it's all I can concentrate on.
I think things like:
"Why do you like your nails like that?"
"Why don't you trim them?"
"Doesn't your girlfriend HATE that too?"
"Is that a coke nail?"
"Are you a monster?"
"Do you do the joust in the Renaissance Fair?"
Cause I always assume that they must have an excuse for not trimming their nails. I don't know why, but it always happens.
Basically, if you have long nails and you are a dude, don't let me see them while you are talking to me cause I will zone out and create a weird "alter-life" that you lead where you are cokehead dracula who jousts in upstate new york.

2006-02-02T12:48:00.000-05:00

In the winter I like to wear baseball/little league socks under my pants. They are warm, they stay up all day and I've really gotten into dressing in things that make me happy. For some reason, baseball socks do that.
I also wear different varieties of striped, polka dot, or just plain knee socks. They aren't as fun as the baseball socks, but still appealing.
Yesterday I was sitting at my desk and realized that I had a hole in my favorite pair of blue baseball socks!!
No biggie as I rarely enter a home these days that requires a shoeless entry.

(Side note: I think I will never have a home where people have to take their shoes off to walk around, not because I have to clean up after them but because I wouldn't want anyone coming into my home with a hole in their sock and then have to feel that awkward "How am I going to pull this off without anyone noticing" thing.)

Relieved that the only thing I'd be doing was work and school I relaxed and proceeded with my day.

Later on, I found myself sitting at my desk and listening to the professors go over the syllabus for the semester...and all of the sudden I heard "we will be going downstairs now to the dance studio, in the dance studio you have to take off your shoes before you enter. We will be wearing our socks".
The toe next to my big toe shrieked in embarrassment, as I trudged down to the dance floor.

I always find it fascinating when you haven't thought about or had to deal with certain things in years and the minute you do think about them...they show up immediately.
What does that?

I don't know...but I do know I need to go baseball sock shopping.

2006-02-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

I would like to wish everyone a HAPPY FEBRUARY.
This is my favorite month and it's here.
Why is it my favorite month you ask? well...all within the month of Feruary is:

Feb 1: Langston Hughes was born, and it's national Freedom Day.
Feb 2: Groundhog Day
Feb 3: Elmo's Birthday (I'm sure I can find something better than that)
Feb 4: Rosa Parks and Charles Lindberg's b-day. Also it's "Create a vacum day"?
Feb 5: National Weatherperson's Day, and fitting enough it's also Disaster Day!
Feb 6: Babe Ruth's Birthday.
Feb 7: Charles Dickens Birthday.
Feb 8: Boy Scouts Day. Make a knot!
Feb 9: Hersey's Chocloate day and national Toothache day. Weird!! (I'm not making these up)
Feb 10: Umbrella Day.
Feb 11: National Inventor Day, and National White T-Shirt Day.
Feb 12: Abe Lincoln's B-day.
Feb 13: Get a different Name Day. (a girl in my office is changing her name..now I can tell her when to do it).
Feb 14: Valentine's Day, and for those of yuo without one it's also Ferris Wheel Day!
Feb 15: Flag Day, Susan B. Anthony's B-day, and Gumdrop Day.
Feb 16: Nylon was Patented.
Feb 17: Random Acts of Kindness Day
Feb 18: Pluto was Discovered!
Feb 19: Mr. Roger's Neighborhood Debuted.
Feb 20: "Hoodie Hoo" day (you are supposed to yell this to chase away winter) and President's day.
Feb 21: Love your pet day.
Feb 22: Be Humble day, George Washington's birthday, World Thinking Day AND...MY BIRTHDAY! (I won't be humble on be humble day!)
Feb 23: International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
Feb 24: Gordon's Birthday from Sesame Street.
Feb 25: Electronic Printing Press was patented, and paper currency was first introduced.
Feb 26: Levi Strauss' Birthday
Feb 27: Polar Bear Day and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's Birthday
Feb 28: Public Sleeping Day and Mardi Gras

2006-01-31T09:19:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been reading my horoscope as a joke...they have been way off and it's funny to see what they say my day will be like.
Although today according to the horoscope people, it seems I'm awesome. As much as I'd like to giggle at it's absurdness I think I may sit back and let this one be dead on.

"Nobody can match your energy, wit and charm today. All of your best qualities -- especially that irresistible niceness of yours! -- are magnified. That, as you can imagine, is pretty darn attractive."

I think the person doing my horoscope has a crush on me.

2006-01-26T14:11:00.000-05:00

I auditioned to be the voice of Sean John (a.k. P. Diddy) male perfume. Which is funny cause I wouldn't think my voice would be the voice of his royal highness' latest money making endeavor.
To make matters worse when my agent handed me the copy to read she said that P. Diddy attached his own direction to the copy, which of course was
"Yo, you need to be sexy".
So she tells me this and then we get into the booth.
I was midly obsessed with Making the Band 3 for a second of my life and I know what Sean John thinks is sexy...I don't think I'm it.
So I stood in there and tried to sound like a sexpot to the best of my vocal abilities.
I would put money on the fact that I'm not booking that job.
But while reading the spot I thought about how I used to love to make fun of those girls and their issues with being sexy for the diddy...but now I got it...I could understand their pain. It's hard to try and be sexy for the diddy.

Or as I like to call it "diddy-sexy".

2006-01-25T14:03:00.000-05:00

Two posts in one day...this is a rare and yet needed addition to today's blog.
When the door trick (see post below) doesn't work...you should just get photoshop and a best friend. Cause the results really helped me to crack up and smile..
So now for your viewing enjoyment...
I present you with pictures from my amazing imaginary vacation with Jake Gyllenhaal (this was why he wasn't at the golden globes).

2006-01-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

When I was a child and was throwing a fit, or in a yucky mood...my mom would always say "Okay Amanda, when we leave this place (store, restaraunt, etc.) you are going to leave that attitude with it.
So I would push out every ounce of the bad attitude that I could right up until I reached the last possible inch between the door and the outside. I'd stomp and huff and puff and cry. Then I'd cross over the trheshold and I'd act like everything was amazing and that I physically had left the bad mood/attitude in the last place i just was. I would come out smiling and laughing, over exaggerating how wonderful the day was.
As an adult I keep trying to take this yucky mood I'm in today and leave it in various places..but I think this may be one of the things that you lose the ability to do as you grow up.
Cause I'm trying hard...but I'm still not smiling.

2006-01-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

I listen to the radio while I shower every morning. This morning the Dj's were asking some lady, who was a guest, what her "type" was.
She said she didn't have one.
This got me to thining two things...
Does she say that just because she's been broken by what she thought was her type now lending herself to accepting whatever accepts her?

AND..more importantly...what's my type?
I was thinking about this while washing my hair...where did my type come from and has it changed?
As a kid I used to LOVE the dukes of hazzard, and I thought Luke and Bo were hot hot hot. Although I was always at heart a Luke girl. I liked his dark hair, light eyes and protruding adam's apple.
I kept that steyotype for a while..till high school where I dated the blonde captain of the football team..more of a Bo type. A bigger...footbally Bo.
I then moved on beyond the looks categories for my "type", and started to create fancy subtopics like "he has to like harry chapin" or "he has to be silly, smart, and like the beach".
Looking back I think my favorite subtopic was something like "he has to get it" what IT was I still don't know, but when you are 18, these are the thoughts of a teenage hopeless romantic.
Now, I've taken all restrictions off, and find that the butterfly factor is what does it for me..which is never very good. Cause when I get butterflies I stammer and turn into a babbling fool.
But if I get butterflies, and I can't get over them..then you are my type.
I think that's better than labeling what length of hair, size of waist, and the ability to get "it".
That's when I realized I really was like that lady, and have gotten rid of my type.

I turned off the shower and rushed to get to work on time.

2006-01-17T13:53:00.000-05:00

When I was a little girl I used to have a pair of red cowboy boots. They were my favorite.
Over the holidays I saw a pair..I guess Jessica Simpson has released a new footwear line, and as much as it pains me to admit..she has made a perfect pair of red cowboy boots.
At work today I dicussed my desire to get a pair of these boots. My boss then told me it wa a bad idea cause I would look like I was dressed up for halloween, and then commented that nothing would match the amazing red boots I spoke so highly of.
This then kicked the conversation into the "red hat" discussion. For those of you who don't know what "the red hat" club is, it's a club for women who are 50 and over, and when they join the club they wear their red hats with pride.
So I decided I may start a red cowboy boot club. It won't have any significnt meaning except that I like them.
And so what if I don't have anything to wear with them...when I was a kid I was naked most of the time I was wearing them...
That's what made them fun then, and I'm sure it's what would make them fun now.
Maybe I'll make them my cleaning boots.

2006-01-15T23:32:00.000-05:00

So this is the quote of the day on my personal google homepage:
"Art is science made clear."
- Jean Cocteau

It's a good quote, but it confuses me a bit.

I would think that science is art made clear.

If you can help shed some light on this, it would be very appricated.

2006-01-10T11:28:00.000-05:00

When I take vitamins or pills I always say
"mashed potatoes"
to myself while I swallow them.

2006-01-05T13:25:00.000-05:00

This may be totally tacky...but I don't care!
I'm famous today, I know what you are thinking, "Why Amanda Why?"
Well, I just finished recording two national spots for "Silk Soy Milk"...so keep your eyes and more importantly your ears tuned in to the tv! They are supposed to start around the 15th or so...
I totally just became a BIG Silk Soy Milk fan...you should too.
I love being famous...
maybe I'll get a maid.

2006-01-02T19:01:00.000-05:00

I get very carried away when I clean, I realized today that I follow a very distinct cleaning pattern when I try and tackle my home...
I play music really loud...I have special cleaning songs that for some reason make me clean better of which include songs like "king of wishful thinking" (from pretty woman) and "dangerous" (by roxette)or "Fair" (Remy Zero). So I'm sure you can get the type of music I listen to when cleaning my baseboards...
Thing is when I do my best cleaning I totally turn nutty and can't stop. Nothing can get in my way, I keep cleaning and cleaning and I find more and more interesting things that needed cleaning and I totally never realized needed cleaning before. I become a cleaning machine, and I think about everything going on in my life, my imagination runs rampant and as I clean I find myself singing and dancing and having a party alone with a bottle of windex. A party celebrating how proud I am that I have a home to clean, and nothing can stop me from making it so wonderfully clean.
Until I sit to let the floor dry.
That's usually when I stop, when I have cleaned so much that I can't move and I'm stuck sitting on my couch waiting for my floor to dry.
When I do stop, it's over, there's no going back...it's never going to be as clean as I was hoping...I stopped, and I am finished.
Today though, I decided to wait to mop till later.
I'm not ready to be finished, there's too many interesting things to find that need cleaning.

2005-12-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

I used to be kind of scared of Santa as a kid. I didn't like the idea of a strange man knowing so much about me, then breaking into my house to leave things behind...but only after eating my cookies.
Now that i think about it...
it sounds an awful lot like my last relationship.

2005-12-12T18:18:00.000-05:00

So this is a posting for all of my friends, and anyone that needs to learn this lesson.
If something life changing happens to you or your loved ones, please...PLEASE do not text message people to tell them. When you do this you reduce the major moments in your life to an instant message or a phone message.

My high school best friend texted me the following:
"I'm going to be a mom".

What the heck? Is it hard to pick up the phone and call a person?
Oh whatever, I'm totally going to baby gap right away.

2005-12-06T09:48:00.000-05:00

This morning I helped a blind man off the R train, up the escalator and out the turnstiles. As we walked I kept saying things like "keep walking straight" and I thought I was helping him...but really I was confusing him. He would say things like "Which way is straight"? Finally I used a little more force to turn him and he said, "there ya go!”.
I wonder if he can tell the different types of personalities people have by the way that they help him around. I'm sure some people must be impatient and rush him, or too slow, or too aggressive, or not aggressive enough.
I also wonder what he thought I looked like.
I wonder where I would live if I were blind...I don't think I would live in the city. Too many personalities.

2005-12-05T17:15:00.000-05:00

I just took a 5 min nap at work, (they have a cot in the bathroom)...but the whole time I felt like I was going to get caught.

The entire time I just kept trying to relax and sleep..I kept imagining worst case scenarios if I got caught trying to sleep on the job. Then I thought about funny case scenarios...
Then my phone alarm went off, up I went and rushed back to my desk...and yet no one had even noticed.
To them I had just disappeared for a couple of min, but to me...I had gotten in and out of trouble many times, I had weaved tons of random stories in my head...been to the principle's office and back, and all for nothing.
I need to go sleep on that thing more often I just need to work on thinking about getting into trouble on a desert island with a pina colada and jake gyllenhaal.

2005-12-01T17:29:00.000-05:00

My boss always tells me I talk to myself randomly at work. I normally don't believe her and tell her that she is the crazy one in the office.
Today, she was proven right.
We listen to holiday music at work and at one point during "sleigh ride" I started singing "horses! horses! horses!". I stopped, turned around to see if anyone had noticed and my boss just looked at me and said "are you going to say that everytime this song comes on?".
I then told her it was a "sleepless in seatle" reference...and then realized I had just buried myself even lower in loserville.

2005-11-15T13:26:00.000-05:00

Once when I was younger, let's say age 6 or 7....I was getting off the school bus, and one of the boys who I went to school with (Chris Spicer) asked me to play a game with him.
He then jumped on me and said "I'm going to hump you".
I was not sure what this meant and said "okay, but then what do I do?"
He said "just lay there, act like you are sleeping".

My mom came up and grabbed him by the neck...game over.

The boy was just as clueless as I was, so this is not some terrible story of lost innocence.
It's interesting to me because I just remembered this twenty years later, and I think it's funny that he thought I should just lay there...HOW BORING.

2005-11-10T11:04:00.000-05:00

Hundred dollar bills ya'll.

This is a pic from the only time I have ever left with more money then I started with in Atlantic City.
Did you know that it's illegal to take pictures inside a casino? I didn't...I found out shortly after this picture was taken.

2005-11-09T13:11:00.000-05:00

I am mildly obsessed with R. Kelly and his opus "Trapped in the Closet". I have always thought the man was a bit on the strange side, his songs are always good but have a bit of something weird attached. I am not even going to go into his personal life and how that makes me feel.
Point being, I can't get enough of him, every time I see him performing or promoting I stop and think...WHAT? REALLY R. KELLY? REALLY?
As I watch I find myself giving in to his songs and although my own "mind is telling me NO, my body's tellin me YES" every time as I cannot, nor would I dare to try to lift my finger to change the channel. I simply MUST find out what will happen next.

So, I developed a little saying that describes that weird feeling you get inside when you know you may be doing something inappropriate, or something you love to love even though you know it's no good....when those moments happen I like to say
"I've got a little R. Kelly in my belly".